I may not show it, but I have a huge sense of pride when it comes to certain personal matters, especially concerning how people see me. It causes me to be stubborn and hinders me from expressing a lot of things. I’m not exactly sure how it developed, but it’s caused quite a number of emotional shitstorms that I usually keep to myself. And this time’s no different.
I used those words as a cover up. I say things I don’t mean as a chronic defense mechanism because I don’t like the feeling of vulnerability that sharing my feelings brings. But hearing them directed right back at me really hurts. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that dull ache in my chest, but I really should have seen it coming. Since when have things ever worked out for me anyway?